You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
