The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
