The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
