you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize