Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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