i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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