Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
