Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
