so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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