If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
