I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
