Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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