I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
