Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
