Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
