there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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