i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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