The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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