I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
