Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
