yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
