U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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