Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
