after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
