Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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