Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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