You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize