We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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