went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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