I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
