Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
