is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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