its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
