forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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