if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize