smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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