420 ftw
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sober January is a disaster.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize