I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
