the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
