Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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