I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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