your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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