i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize