I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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