So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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