I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
