Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
