I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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