You can't special order awesome
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
