Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
