Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
