from now on my penis is your penis
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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