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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.

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• (415): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  20.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  My drug dealer was just on ESPN..

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• (716): View more from New York

  in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....

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• (406): View more from Montana

  your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster

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• (360): View more from Washington

  He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.

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