just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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