omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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