How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
