The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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