OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
