When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
