Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
