Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
