Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
