Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
