I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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