One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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