I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
