I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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