White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
