my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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