Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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