I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
