just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
