I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I could make wine with my vomit
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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