I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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