when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
