Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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