accomplished twins. life is a go
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
